Couple’s Counseling with Confidence: Part 7 – When is Couple’s Therapy Less Likely to be Effective?

Couple’s counseling is often championed as a potential solution to many problems. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that not every issue can be successfully addressed within the confines of couples counseling.

Limitations of Couples Therapy

A challenging reality is that certain partnership issues simply aren’t resolvable through therapy. For exmaple, if a partner is struggling with drug or alcohol dependency, but is not ready to acknowledge or take responsibility for their addiction, couples counseling is unlikely to prove beneficial. A similar scenario can be seen with domestic violence. While some counselors are equipped with specialized approaches and training to address intimate partner violence or substance abuse, it’s essential to ensure that your therapist possesses the required expertise to treat such specific issues.

A Standstill in Conflict Resolution

Another instance where couples therapy may fall short is when relationship problems have festered to the point of becoming chronic. Over time, this can lead to contempt—a behavioral manifestation deeply rooted in long-standing resentment. Contempt signals a deep-seated belief in one partner’s worthlessness or inferiority and often manifests through regular sarcasm, mockery, or other expressions of disgust. Fortunately, contempt doesn’t crop up overnight. It’s a byproduct of either a total lack of effort to resolve relationship issues or repeated failed attempts to do so.

When contempt takes root, the relationship is usually trapped in a negative cycle, often accompanied by an all-time low in motivation to improve the situation. This pairing of contempt and diminished motivation forms a significant roadblock in overcoming relationship hurdles.

The Role of Therapists

Although couples therapists should never outright suggest that a relationship should end, they have a responsibility to evaluate the potential efficacy of continued therapy. Transparency is key. Therapists must remain candid with their clients about whether continuing with couples counseling is indeed the best path forward.

Ultimately, understanding the limits of couples therapy and recognizing when it might not be the optimal solution is important for anyone seeking to repair a struggling relationship. By acknowledging these limitations, couples can be more informed in their approach to seeking help and may consider other avenues for resolution, based on their unique challenges and circumstances.

Be sure to check out Part 8 of my Couple’s Counseling with Confidence series, where I discuss the importance of meeting frequency and consistency!