Couple’s Counseling with Confidence: Part 4 – Will Your Therapist Take Sides During Sessions?

Title: Navigating Couples Therapy: The Importance of Neutrality and Accountability

In couple’s counseling, there’s often an underlying hope—or even an expectation—that the therapist will take sides, functioning as a sort of referee to declare one partner right and another wrong. This desire for validation can be quite tempting, but it is crucial for the therapeutic process and the relationship’s health to maintain neutrality. If a therapist inadvertently aligns with one partner, it could significantly damage the trust essential for effective therapy, possibly resulting in one partner disengaging entirely.

The Unseen Risks of Taking Sides

One of the hidden dangers in taking sides involves serious issues such as domestic violence. When domestic violence is a factor, the risks extend beyond emotional harm to potential physical danger. An abused partner may not disclose their situation due to fear of retaliation at home. If a therapist unknowingly supports an abusive partner, it becomes a major safety issue. In cases where domestic violence is revealed, therapists should unequivocally oppose it. In fact, couples therapy is often unsuitable when active domestic violence is present, and those involved are strongly urged to seek individual counseling and safety.

Promoting Accountability in Safe Environments

In situations lacking domestic violence, accountability becomes key in resolving relationship issues. It is important for each partner to recognize and own their role in creating problems. I, as a therapist, do not shy away from identifying unhelpful behaviors for what they are. However, this doesn’t mean I dole out blame. Rather, I facilitate a process where each partner can see how they might unconsciously contribute to the cycle of conflict and negativity.

Co-Creation of Issues: A Shared Responsibility

Couples must understand that issues within a relationship are typically co-created. This recognition is significant for those waiting for their partner to assume full responsibility. More often than not, both partners play a part in escalating each other’s problematic behaviors. By acknowledging this shared role, couples can begin to dismantle harmful patterns and build healthier interactions.

In essence, couples therapy thrives in a space of neutrality and mutual accountability. The process requires courage and willingness from both parties to dive deep into the dynamics of their relationship, understanding that real change comes from acknowledging their shared journey.

Be sure to check out Parts 5 and 6 of my Couple’s Counseling with Confidence series in which I discuss the right time to begin couple’s counseling and its effectiveness!